


Fourth Day of Christmas - Silver Bells

by unjaundiced



Series: Holiday Headaches [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: 12 Days of Christmas, 12 Days of Fic, Bad Flirting, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Humor, Pre-Slash, bad friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-11 19:59:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5640097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unjaundiced/pseuds/unjaundiced
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Iruka gets another bonus day off because of the blizzard wrecking Konoha and learns how annoying bells really are. And everyone suffers from Naruto's farts. That is just unfortunate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fourth Day of Christmas - Silver Bells

Iruka came awake like one of the undead, lurching upright in a muzzied state of blankness to stare unseeing at the two plants wavering blurrily in front of him. He blinked slowly as thoughts filtered in like honey to pierce the fog of a chocolate-coma. Something seemed off but he couldn't quite figure out what it was. His tongue was thick and wore a nice fur coat—wolf maybe? He was sitting in the living room next to the kotatsu; unusual but not the thing that was causing his senses to ping. Kakashi sat at his side busily doing something crafty with micro-razor wire, bending, heating, and looping the metal into knotted patterns that not only looked pretty, but that Iruka knew would remove the fingers of anyone who touched it in the wrong way before garroting said unfortunate victim. He looked away.  
  
Something... Something... Then he noticed the way the mid-morning sun pushed in through the whirl of snow still dancing merrily down the street outside to pat Shisha-kun and its tiny arsenal. There was an odd orange cast to everything and he realised it was Naruto's butt raised in the air as he snored happily on a pillow shaped like a... well, like a naruto. Sasuke's head was pillowed on Naruto's ankle, a dangerous place to be when the boy woke up—or slept, since he was known for gaseous bodily emissions at inconvenient times, especially when trying to be stealthy. As luck would have it, Naruto was currently dreaming of being _very_ stealthy as he crept up on a giant specimen of _Ramen misocus largii_. A soft musical tinkling sounded once just before the Curse of Stealthy Naruto hit and Sasuke bolted upright screaming. Naruto, of course, drooled a little more, wriggled his butt, and kept snoring.  
  
Amid a sudden chorus of tiny bells resulting from Sasuke kicking Naruto into the wall next to Ukki-san who now had a trio of small bells hanging from its branches, the thing that was bothering Iruka burst through the cloud of confusion and he shouted and tried to stand. Kakashi calmly caught the back of the chuunin's shirt and Iruka yelled at him as he tried to pry the jounin's fingers off.  
  
“I'm late, damn you! Why didn't you wake me up! Don't know know what kind of _things_ my students will get into? And... Oh! Oh, poor Izumo-kun! He's slotted as my substitute this week! Oh no!” Iruka flailed before coming to his senses, sliding out of his shirt and running away. Kakashi blinked at the chuunin's retreating back, then to the shirt in his hand. He hadn't thought of that one.  
  
“Maa, Iruka-sensei,” Kakashi called as he padded across the living room, stepping gingerly over the battling genin with an “Excuse me, boys.” He knocked on the door frame to the washroom as Iruka frantically brushed his teeth. “Iruka-sensei. There's no school today. There's a _blizzard_ outside and the next few days are a holiday anyhow. Isn't it nice? You get to spend more time with your loving family!”  
  
Iruka looked up, glaring daggers, foam dripping sluggishly down his chin as if he'd caught a virulently progressive strain of rabies on the way to the washroom. He gurgled something unintelligible, held up a finger in the universal sign for “wait”, washed out his mouth and tried again. He took a deep breath, opened his mouth, saw Naruto and Sasuke peering curiously around the door frame of the living room, just at the height of Kakashi's knee and sighed. “Okay.” Kakashi smirked.  
  
Naruto's yelping cry had them running back to the living room, wondering what the boy had hurt _this_ time. _This_ time turned out to be a nicked pinkie finger as he had apparently tried to put the razor wire string on Ukki-san and learned just why there was a particularly large loop next to a braid of tiny loops. It was the dummy trigger. Very tricky.  
  
Naruto cried that Ukki-san needed decoration since Shisha-kun did and demanded to know where his gingerbread decoration was. Kakashi tried to distract him by shooing him off to brush his teeth and finally resorted to pushing the boy lightly with his foot in the general direction of the bathroom, unwilling to really _touch_ him in case Naruto's morning fart was still lingering. Sasuke grumbled to himself for a moment, raised a brow at Iruka and uttered, “You still don't have a shirt on, you know.” He rolled his eyes at Iruka's horrified shout as he ran away. These people were all _crazy_.

To say that things calmed down after that would be a lie. There wasn't much in the way of calm, but there was a sense of impending _doom_. Iruka had returned from redressing himself to find the boys scuffling on the floor while Kakashi read his book—he really hoped there wasn't another recipe in there—and had immediately given them all another yellow card, threatening a red card next. They all knew what _that_ meant!—not really. No one really knew what a yellow card meant either but no one was willing to risk the wrath of Iruka.  
  
In any case, this meant they could all eat breakfast in peace. Iruka roasted some eggplant for the miso soup while Kakashi proved he could cook _incredible_ rice—okay, just made sure to take it off the heat before it burned—Sasuke had finally gotten to play with fire and roasted saury and dried squid with an unholy glee. Naruto had been allowed to wash the plates—until he started dropping them all in the sink in his excitement—and ended up sitting happily watching everyone bustle around him, reveling in the feeling of “family” as he shouted encouragement, cooking tips, and generally made a nuisance of himself.  
  
A minor chopstick fight broke out in the kitchen as Kakashi and Iruka both tried to make the eggs at the same time and an epic battle of the pan started. Kakashi was determined that coriander needed to be added, but Iruka said Naruto hated the stuff and would only eat it with shoyu. Kakashi tried to toss coriander leaves on the rapidly cooking eggs as Iruka tried to block him and almost took a rice paddle to the face for his efforts. Sasuke sat at the counter and flipped the fish without paying them any attention. He was trying to match the fish to the image of the perfectly roasted fish he'd once seen an old fisherman produce .  
  
The eggs ended up slightly burnt on one side and Iruka had serenely served the burnt parts to Kakashi, saying those were the jounin's favourite. Kakashi had resignedly agreed and ate in that blinkingly fast way of his that made everyone wonder if he could even _taste_ his food. Naruto was so happy to be eating with Iruka-sensei that he didn't even mind the coriander in his eggs. He had spit out his first bite in surprise and sprayed Kakashi's face though.  
  
Throughout everything, a gentle tinkling sounded in the background as Ukki-san's leaves and branches shifted under the weight of the bells, providing a peaceful backdrop to the madness. The tinkling went on as they washed the dishes. It went on as Kakashi showed the genin how to make razor wire traps and to handle them without injury as Iruka looked on to make sure he wouldn't hurt them. The tinkling went on as the three shinobi lay strands of knotted wire on the branches of both the plants. The tinkling went wild when Kakashi told Naruto that Ukki-san had the bells because it had managed to defeat him in the bell test and that he had more bells for the plants.  
  
The tinkling sound became a chorus of silver sounds as more bells of different sizes were produced from Kakashi's bag and placed on the trees. Iruka brought out test papers and tried to correct them while Kakashi sat next to him reading. Sasuke and Naruto played hanafuda which was a total whitewash on Naruto's end considering he couldn't get the concept of _matching_. The tinkling played on through lunch—ramen. Naruto's choice this time—and in the silence that followed that as the boys napped.  
  
Iruka felt his fingers twitch and the vein at his forehead throbbed violently.  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
He marked an answer with a triangle—wrong answer.  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
A circle around another—right answer.  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
Another circle.  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
Kakashi flipped a kunai.  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
The jounin hummed and flipped a page, still tossing the kunai in the air. It met his palm.  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
He tossed the kunai again and it flipped once before landing.  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
Iruka's fingers twitched again and he shot a look at the kunai Kakashi was casually tossing.  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
The chuunin breathed slowly and counted backwards from ten.  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
He counted again, this time in Wave dialect.  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
He tried to think of as many peaceful things as he could: birds, rivers, sleeping babies, trees... Trees meant kuromatsu which meant Shisha-kun which meant decorations which meant _bells_ which meant...  
  
_Tinkle._  
  
He slammed his pen on the table, startling Sasuke into awareness before the genin subsided again, mumbling sleepily to himself. Kakashi slanted a look at Iruka and raised his eyebrow as he caught the kunai he'd been flipping and shifted his grip to a guard position.  
  
“I can't take this anymore,” Iruka growled, clambering out from under the kotatsu.  
  
“Well, that's apparent,” Kakashi muttered. “What's _this_ that you can't take?”  
  
“Those _bells_ need to go,” Iruka snarled as he tried to step over Kakashi who was blocking the only way around the kotatsu.  
  
“But he _earned_ them, Iruka-sensei. He and Shisha-kun have such good teamwork,” Kakashi argued gently, refusing to move. When Iruka brought his foot up to stomp on Kakashi's lap, the jounin yanked hard on his ankle and toppled him over.  
  
“No! I can't take all the _tinkling!_ It's driving me crazy!” Iruka flailed as Kakashi threw a blanket over him and lay on top.  
  
“If you wake up Naruto, so help me, I'll—“ Kakashi cut himself off as Naruto lurched upright, eyes wide open as he shouted about the most delicious noodles he'd ever seen before falling over, snoring and munching on the tail of Sasuke's crested hair.  
  
Iruka gasped for air as he stared past Kakashi's profile to the ceiling, trying to gather his thoughts. He growled and clutched at Kakashi's hair, pulling hard. “I'll kick _you_ in the bells if you don't get rid of them. I'll get you so hard, you won't be able to speak like a man ever again. Do you want that? _Do_ you?”  
  
Kakashi seriously looked as if he was considering it for a moment before he smiled, chirped “No” and flopped on Iruka again, pinning him with his body. “You need a nap, sensei. You're too tense,” he soothed, patting at Iruka's head. In return, Iruka tried to bite him.  
  
“That's what I was _trying_ to do the other day when you brought that awful _gingerbread_ into my life!” Iruka groaned as Kakashi managed to avoid his teeth.  
  
“Maybe you need a lullaby? I hear music soothes the savage beast,” Kakashi countered as he cheerfully started to hum.  
  
“I'll show _you_ a savage beast,” Iruka hissed back as he changed tactics and tried to headbutt the jounin.  
  
“ _Kinky._ ” Kakashi wrapped his arms and legs around the Iruka-sushi and grinned cheekily. “But not in front of the boys.”  
  
Iruka darted a glance towards Naruto and Sasuke but all he could see were Shisha-kun and Ukki-san waving their _bells_ at him. His eyes narrowed and he growled again.  
  
“They'd probably help protect me from your perverted attentions,” Iruka hissed as he tried to buck the jounin off, succeeding only in looking like a lumpy undulating caterpillar. “In fact...” He opened his mouth wide and immediately had the blanket pulled up to cover his face for his trouble.  
  
“A nap. What _you_ need is a nice long nap,” Kakashi declared. “Sleep now.”  
  
A patting on his head had Iruka fighting the weight above him again. “Kakashi-sensei! Argh, Naruto! Wake up! Wake! Up!” The blanket came down again and Kakashi glared.  
  
“ _Shhhhh. Don't wake him up_ ,” the jounin hissed. "Do you have _any_ idea how hard it is to settle that boy _down_? Aren't you tired from all that enthusiasm? I know _I_ am!”  
  
Iruka narrowed his eyes and bared his teeth. “Get rid of the bells and then we'll talk.”  
  
Kakashi huffed and with a small puff, the bells were all gone. Iruka rolled his eyes. Of course he'd jutsu'd those . The man was always glad to waste chakra on ways to be annoying.  
  
“Okay, _now_ will you take a nap and be a good little boy,” Kakashi whined. Iruka freed an arm and punched him on the head.  
  
“You're an idiot. Go do something useful. Make the snow stop or something,” he muttered. Kakashi suddenly had a guilty look that set off more alarms. Iruka's eyes narrowed. “Make. It. Stop.”  
  
“Maa, I don't know what you're talking about, Iruka-sensei,” the jounin stared down, willing Iruka to be distracted.  
  
“Don't play coy. The _snow_. Make it stop. Now!” JIruka wriggled harder in his blanket cocoon. “I know you did something!”  
  
“Sensei, you are so cruel! Ah!” Kakashi found himself staring at the wall with Iruka's fist under his chin.  
  
“If you wanted a vacation, you should have applied for it, not used a jutsu on the village,” Iruka muttered. “Make it stop or New Years will be ruined.”  
  
Kakashi grumbled, sounding wounded and highly aggrieved. “ _Fiiiiine_. Spoilsport.”  
  
Moments later and the blizzard stirring Konoha like a snowy soup settled. Gai, out on a pond practicing whiteout navigation with black welding goggles, found himself standing on the edge of very thin ice, his bright orange scarf stiff with icicles. “Youth perseveres,” he shouted, posing grandly. The ice cracked and the pond opened up again under his feet as he skipped away to do something else youthful. The fish surfaced cautiously, mouths puckering the surface as they breathed easily for the first time since the looming green menace had first started to cross the pond.  
  
In Iruka's home, Kakashi was left tied up in a blanket next to his beloved tree friends, grumbling about the general unfairness of life as Iruka serenely returned to his work, a set of earmuffs over his ears and a stick of ramen-scented incense blazing away. Naruto rolled over to Kakashi, lifted his butt and...  
  
Kakashi cried out in horror, but it was too late.

**Author's Note:**

> These were originally written for the 12 Days of Christmas Challenge on Livejournal in 2010, starting with the first day of Christmas (December 25). It's basically all crack and I apologise for nothing.
> 
>  **Notes**  
>  hanafuda - basically means "flower cards" and can be played as either a matching game or like a Japanese version of poker and is usually played for either chips or cash.
> 
> In Japan, triangles are drawn around the numbers of wrong answers. Circles are drawn through answers and slash marks across the numbers mark correct answers.


End file.
